(This article was originally posted on Memorial Day 2015)
“Only the dead have seen the end of war.” Plato
Prior to my first deployment to Afghanistan I had the unsavory task of putting together my “death packet.” This packet outlines in detail your wishes in the unfortunate event that you die on the upcoming deployment. If you are married, your wife is required to sign off on your choices. Instead of planning for our future life together, my wife and I were planning for life without me. My choices were met with resistance.
As a twenty-five year old newly minted Green Beret I made a big joke out of this very serious exercise; making outlandish requests in my packet. I wanted to be buried naked because I came into this earth naked and naked I wanted to go out. I wanted an open bar at my wake and a huge banner that said “this is a celebration bitches.” I wanted upbeat Southern Rock playing during the wake. Also, no one was allowed to wear black, mourn or cry at my funeral.
I made a serious mistake of thinking this event was about me. Luckily my wife and a few veteran Green Berets put me in my place. It was not about me, but all the friends, family and teammates that I would leave behind. It would be a chance for them to honor me, begin coping with the loss and move on with their lives as best they could. After hearing this I changed my requests. Fortunately my “death packet” never had to be used, however it helped shape my views on things like Memorial Day.
Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines have become increasingly frustrated with how Americans treat Memorial Day. Besides the fact that many people view it only as a long weekend for barbecues and vacations, many view it as a time to thank military members for their service. The latter upsets service members because Memorial Day is a day to remember the fallen while Veterans Day is a day to remember veteran’s service. Many veterans think that our society is doing a dis-service to the fallen by “confusing” the two.
After the experience of filling out my “death packet” I understand that Memorial Day is not just about the fallen. Memorial Day is also about the people the fallen leave behind. We should treat Memorial Day not only as a chance to honor those who have given their lives for our country, but also as an opportunity to recognize the huge sacrifice that grieving families, friends and teammates have had to make in the absence of their loved ones. We should honor Ben and Jeremy Wise for paying the ultimate sacrifice to our country and honor the Wise family who has lost two children to the war in Afghanistan. We should honor Wyatt Goldsmith but also remember that the Goldsmith family lost their only son. And of course we should honor the teammates of these great men because when you lose one of your brothers-in-arms not a day goes by that you do not think about them and the fact that you got to live and they did not.
Veterans, do not get upset this Memorial Day if someone thanks you for your service because this day is also about you and the loved ones our fallen comrades have left behind. When someone thanks you for your service this weekend politely thank them and tell them your favorite story about a friend who has been taken to early. If anyone thanks me for my service this weekend I will be honored to tell them stories about Ben and Jeremy Wise, Wyatt Goldsmith and the sacrifice their friends, family and teammates have endured in their absence.
After graduating from Union College (BA), Kevin R. Flike served as a Special Forces Engineer assigned to the 1st Special Forces Group and deployed to the Philippines, Thailand and twice to Afghanistan.
I am proud to call this man, my cousin. Way to say it Trevor!
Thanks for sharing, Kevin. I will take that to heart today.
Mike
I cannot thank you enough for the blog article.Really thank you! Cool.
Your wisdom is a gift of yours. You give others the opportunity to learn from your experience. I sure have! Thank you Trevor.
Thank you Kevin! Your words are so true and military men and women and their families can identify with you…the true meaning of this weekend. My husband loved this day and celebrated it with reverence for those he lost in war…his brothers in arms. Each Memorial Day since his passing, I still watch the PBS Memorial Day program from Washington DC. I can feel his presence at my side on the couch where we use to sit together to watch that special tribute. Now my son sits with me as we both remember Fred and feel the patriotism he taught us by his example.
I like your idea of saying thanks and sharing a story about a dear friend or fellow who is no longer here when someone thanks you for your service. What a way to honor their memory… Thank you for that.
Kevin: you are not only a true hero for the US Army SF, but for the interpreters who have served with you, the Americans who adore their men and women in uniform, the Afghans who will never forget your sacrifice, and in short, any human being who believes in doing the good and right thing. It was an honor serving with your team! I talked about Ben Wise to my kids today and what he did for Afghanistan and the U.S.