Through Sickness and in Health

Last weekend at the Green Beret Foundation Cincinnati Golf Classic, my wife finally received the recognition she deserved.  I would not be where I am today if it was not for her…this was my letter of recommendation.

My wife knew something was wrong when my teammate Adam called her at 0730 PST on Sunday morning September 26, 2011.  Not knowing how to break the news to Kim, Adam asked how the weather was in Tacoma.  My wife replied, “Good…What happened to Kevin.”  Adam said, “Kevin is OK but he has been shot and is intensive care, but don’t worry he is going to be OK.”  Adam was right, ultimately I would be OK but my wife and I went through hell during the process.  

When Kim arrived at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio, Texas she burst into tears as soon as she saw me.  I had been shot in the stomach, my abdominal cavity was open, 20% of my colon had been removed, my hip was fractured and my left leg paralyzed due to nerve damage.  Tubes hung out of every orifice of my body and when Kim looked into my eyes she said I looked “dead on the inside.”  This was not the man she married or fell in love with.  However, In San Antonio my wife performed her first act as my caregiver; she gave me my first bath in nearly two weeks. This was just the first of many sponge bathes and during one of these sessions, I asked her for a divorce.  She simply replied, “no asshole, do you think I would be giving you a sponge bath if I wanted a divorce?”  During these dark periods, her stubbornness kept our marriage together.   

Before I even left San Antonio, Kim made a plan for me to taper off of my prescription narcotics.  Less than two months post injury, I was off all medications.  Several months later I underwent an experimental surgery at the Mayo Clinic to repair the nerve damage to my leg.  The surgery was so invasive and painful that I was prescribed 12 pills of Dillaudid, 12 pills of morphine and 2 Valium – a total of 26 pills a day.  Six months later, I managed to wean myself down to 2-3 pills a day, however, I could not kick those last few.  One day my wife sat me down and asked, “is this it?  Is this what you are going to do with the rest of your life?”  I played the wounded veteran card but she was not having any of it.  She replied, “its 2-3 today and 3-4 next year and the next you know you are completely addicted.”  

I have never been angrier with my wife, but I was angry because she was right.  I stopped taking pain medication the next day and began putting together applications for graduate school.  Kim painstakingly read over my applications and helped me prepare for my interviews.  Ultimately, I was accepted into Harvard and MIT, but none of it would of been possible if it was not for the support of Kim.  Perhaps the most amazing aspect of this situation is that she finished her Master’s in Nursing and worked full time during this period.  

Graduate school was the most overwhelming period of my wife.  I had retired from the Army and our family grew to include two little girls in addition to pursuing concurrent Master’s degrees.  I also struggled physically, mentally and emotionally.  However, my wife stood by me while I made my way through graduate school and continued to heal physically, mentally and emotionally.  With her unwavering support, I graduated in the spring of 2016.  

While my wife does not desire the spotlight, she wholeheartedly supports me in my efforts to tell our story to help inspire others.  She has spent hundreds of hours of listening to me rehearse speeches and helping me rewrite them. Last year alone, I gave 25 speeches.  In my absence she takes care of the kids and works a part time job.  My health has vastly improved since the first two years of my recovery, however, my injuries still present a daily struggle for my family.  There are some days when my body hurts so badly I cannot help out around the house…with two small children this puts a large burden on my wife.  

 

As an RN my wife has devoted her life to healing others.  For three years she worked at a women’s homeless shelter in downtown Boston.  In addition to providing medical care for these women, she was often their last ray of hope.  For the past two years she has been doing at home nursing, visiting up to seven patients a day.  This fall she will begin work on a PHD in nursing.  She hopes to solve complex health problems facing the homeless population of New England.  

In the past 17 years the men and women of the US military have sacrificed their lives, limbs and mental well-being for our country.  We are often praised but the family members who are left to pick up the pieces receive little to no recognition.  Seven years later, it is time for my wife to be recognized for her sacrifice.  I never knew I could be this happy in life and it is due to Kim.